NB: do not adjust your set - this is MONTAG FICTION #012, replete with all the technology you never knew you needed...
This MONTAG.WTF feature sponsored by Komfort Future Technologies Ltd.
The design of everyday things has reached its pinnacle; life is comfortable and ergonomic thanks to Komfort Future Technologies products.
Instead of dealing with the mounting problems of the overdeveloped world by alleviating them with technology, they are simply made bearable through the miracle of impeccable product design.
The following products have been engineered for maximum leisure and minimum effort, and are some of our favorite recommended staples for all households. Whether you live in a pod or an urban skyfarm, simply download the 3D printable files from your local registered retailer of home goods, and enjoy the ease of Komfort Future Technologies hot off the maker in a snap.
Unfortunately, overdevelopment has given our Mother Earth a little indigestion. Humanity is just a too-spicy topping on the planet pizza, which is why water comes out of the tap discolored and off-gassing unsavory fumes.
These little belches make drinking straight tap water a big no-no. But home filtration tech is too slow! Remember those old water pitchers with the charcoal inserts that every passive aggressive roommate on the planet would refuse to replenish?
The Tube from Komfort Future Technologies has revolutionized water drinking, with a hands-free interface and a 20-foot self-cleaning piping system.
Simply connect The Tube to your kitchen or bathroom taps and install the business end (that's the part you drink from!) next to your screen viewing station of choice. Water will ambiently filter through the patented system and store itself for your drinking pleasure.
To partake, simply tilt your head towards The Tube to dispense hydration into your mouth.
Drinking from The Tube has been proven to increase daily hydration by 110%, while saving you time and energy.
Upgrade The Tube with Komfort Foods Flavor Pax now available in Lemon, Pudding, and Salt.
THE SLEEPER CAR
Waking up every day and getting out of bed for work used to be such a hassle.
With the patented technology of Komfort Future Technologies Sleeper Car, you no longer have to.
Before retiring to the seductively soft Flying Dutchman synthfoam slab for your evening slumber, use the integrated maps interface to program your workplace location and intended arrival time.
You'll be ready to get to work having slept through your morning commute and bathed in a mist of revitalizing antimicrobial gel.
For an additional boost, upgrade to The Sleeper Car CHARGE to infuse your morning mist bath with transdermal caffeine. Up and at 'em!
Gone are the days of tapping and scrolling by hand, and good riddance.
Generations of people in the age of the smartphone developed freakishly muscular hands from constantly clutching fragile, glass-screened devices and tapping furiously at them 24 hours a day.
With The Pholder, your hands will stay proportional to your body and you never have to worry about dropping your costly devices again.
No matter where you go, your phone will sit at a comfortable distance from your face for reference. Gaze Activation ensures that the screen is on whenever you look at it.
Plus, The Pholder has several settings for phone activities built in, and can be customized to sync with the apps and social styles you use most regularly. Default functions include:
- Scrollr, automatic scrolling based on eye-tracking behavior
- Checkr, automatic opening and re-opening of frequently used apps on a customized timer
- Likr, automatic posting of approval for content consistent with the user's personal brand data
Shop these must-have Komfort Future Technologies at your local Sansmams or 10^100 online retailers.
Living in the future is easy, with Komfort Future Technologies!